Why I hope the Rapturists are right this time. May 10, 2011
Posted by duphphy in Grunt Monkies.add a comment
A large billboard appeared next to a major route through town a couple weeks ago. It gave the date for the Rapture as May 21. Unlike the hermit-types who walk the streets with a sign board claiming the end is near, the people responsible for this billboard evidently did some research. That’s the height of confidence to predict the end of the world down to the day, then put that on a billboard where half the town sees it on their morning commute. I only wish they’d put a time up there…..I’d like to be able to finish my coffee and morning ablutions before I meet my maker, or else get up earlier. In either case, I guess the Almighty won’t mind.
I do hope this happens, really. What better way to slap people into line than to observe the right hand of God drawing the faithful into the light? I don’t know about you, but I can’t count the number of times I wish I saw a massive finger descend from the heavens, point to an evil-doer or selected idiot or politician, and when a voice thunders “Knock that shit off, or you’re going straight to HELL”, I would just quiver with delight! Proof at last! Proof that all my pathetic efforts at morality were worth something! Neener, neener, Billy Schwartz, who I didn’t help tip over Old Man Jensen’s cow in fourth grade because I thought it was evil! How are the fires of Hades NOW, Billy?
But if all the really good people are going to Heaven, shouldn’t there be an anti-rapture of some sort? You know, to skim off the real evil sludge from society? It could be Satan’s version of The Biggest Loser. I mean, that would at least give the rest of us left here a good chance to clean the place up before the Extra-terrestrials call in the note on the Galactic mortgage, so to speak. Maybe the entire rest of the population could just make nice, have a huge continental block party and barbecue. And beers…lots of beers.
Because hey, we’d all be friends!
